I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
