okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
