Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
