Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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