sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
