I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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