Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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