a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
