Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
