Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
