i was born a porn star she said
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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