does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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