Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
ok first of all what the fuck
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
