that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
