all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
