Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
