so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
