You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's shark week go big or go home
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
