I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Randomize
