OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
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Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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