youre lurking in front of me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
