so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
