Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have aggressive nipples.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
