Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
