Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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