remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
