I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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