that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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