eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
