just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
