Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
