You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
