Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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