I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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