Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am puke
you have to choose: penises or morals?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
