Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
