Your face is a jimmy john
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
