Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
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