idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
