I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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