About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
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I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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