I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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