Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE