You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.