It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
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Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
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I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"