Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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