i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
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In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog