dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
