in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
