They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He shit in the fireplace
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
