I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
