He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
