Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
