Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
