she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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