Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
