That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
