Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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