I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
