you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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