She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys