I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.