Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.