woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
