i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone