glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude