The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Semen is not good for contacts.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse