I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
