last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
