You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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