well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
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It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Watching her eat just hurts me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
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You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize