I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
