God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
