Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
