I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
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New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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