I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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