my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
