just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
