so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
