Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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