I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
