Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
