I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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