2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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