I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
