So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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