I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
