You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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