fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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