Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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