i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
