captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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