Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
