It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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