you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
