omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
