I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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