I think i sorta joined a cult last night
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
