I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
